[{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/2020\/04\/16\/this-too-shall-pass\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/2020\/04\/16\/this-too-shall-pass\/","headline":"Yes, this too shall pass, but first, it really, really sucks","name":"Yes, this too shall pass, but first, it really, really sucks","description":"This too shall pass, but right now as hundreds of thousands of people are grieving, it's important to understand how best to help them.","datePublished":"2020-04-16","dateModified":"2021-04-26","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/contributor\/tracey-wallace\/#Person","name":"Tracey Wallace","url":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/contributor\/tracey-wallace\/","identifier":367,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/21377d3250d3cee37a219265f855ca86717424033839661349c4b6845d2250cc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/21377d3250d3cee37a219265f855ca86717424033839661349c4b6845d2250cc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"The Future of Commerce","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/logo-foc-schema-app-1.png","url":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/logo-foc-schema-app-1.png","width":172,"height":60}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/this-too-shall-pass.jpg","url":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/this-too-shall-pass.jpg","height":375,"width":1200},"url":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/2020\/04\/16\/this-too-shall-pass\/","about":["COVID-19 and Business",{"@type":"Thing","@id":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/purpose\/thought-leadership\/","name":"Thought Leadership","sameAs":["https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Thought_leader"]}],"wordCount":823,"keywords":["COVID-19 | Coronavirus","Employee Advocacy","Employee Experience","Employee Mental Health","Health and Wellness"],"articleBody":"Every single one of us right now is grieving the loss of normalcy.\u00a0We\u2019re grieving the cancelation of our spring plans.\u00a0We’re grieving the inability to see friends and family, to celebrate birthdays and major life milestones like prom and graduations.\u00a0We\u2019re grieving the start of baseball season, the end of basketball season, and a whole host of other activities and events that fill our lives with meaning.\u00a0We’re grieving the deaths of people we knew and loved.We’re grieving even our inability to grieve. As a culture, the United States is pretty bad at grief. American culture has a fix-it mentality; a pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps mantra. You can see this all over LinkedIn and Twitter right now.\u00a0Those folks telling you to hustle even harder?\u00a0Those folks explaining how to optimize for the current situation?\u00a0Those folks saying to turn his quarantine into a sabbatical?\u00a0Those are all potential fixes to this grief, many of them self-administered. But in reality, there is no fix to grief. It’s an emotion based on an experience, and it must be felt, it must be tended, it must be invited in to stay its course.\u00a0The #1 best thing you can do for people who are grieving is to not sugarcoat their reality. This too shall pass: Platitudes versus paying attentionNo matter how much you believe it, you shouldn\u2019t tell people who are grieving that \u201cEverything is going to be OK.\u201d Or that, \u201cThis is all happening for a greater purpose.\u201d Or that, \u201cYou\u2019ll find love again.\u201dThese are called platitudes, and they don\u2019t help. What they do, instead, is prove to the griever that you weren’t listening, and they reinforce to the person grieving the thought that they are in this alone.\u00a0This is what so many of us are feeling right now as we are told to find gratitude in the little things, to notice how nature is coming back, to appreciate the time we get to spend with the ones we are quarantined with.\u00a0These might all be truths. It may help to find gratitude in the small things. The climate is certainly helped by our mass human slow down. The people we are quarantining with are our everything.\u00a0…and this still sucks.\u00a0That is the phrase that people who are grieving report helps them the most, to hear other people say, \u201cThis really sucks.\u201d No apology. No talk of the future. No fix.\u00a0This just sucks. And this pandemic does, and all of us need to collectively hear one another say it. We all need to be given the permission to truly grieve; to have our pain at the loss of what we expected to be heard and seen.\u00a0We need more leaders to tell their team: \u201cThis sucks.\u201dWe need more parents to admit to their kids: \u201cThis sucks.\u201d\u00a0We need more influencers to say it on their platforms: \u201cThis sucks.\u201dAnd, we need to all say it a little more to each other, because what’s amazing about recognizing the current moment and holding space for a rightful emotion is that it allows that emotion to move on. It signals to our brains that, yes, this experience is real. Yes, this isn’t what I wanted. Yes, this sucks. But, it\u2019s OK, I can do this.\u00a0Speaking the unspeakable: Giving grief a voiceHustle culture won\u2019t help here.\u00a0False or forced peace, positivity, or gratitude won\u2019t help here.\u00a0Working from home mentalities won\u2019t even help here.\u00a0And that\u2019s because we aren\u2019t just working hard from home, trying to be grateful for what we have. We are working hard from home trying to be grateful for what we have during a global pandemic in which people we know and love are getting sick, and could die, or have already died.Before any of us can move into the mindset of healing that works best for each of us, we first really need to hear how much this sucks, and that it\u2019s OK to grieve what we\u2019ve lost, and what we might lose soon.\u00a0They say that optimists are not those who ignore the reality, but instead, those who see the reality, can find a path forward, a silver lining. None of us can be optimists without first acknowledging the hard cloud that hangs over us. And it\u2019s so simple to do. It takes only two words. And I encourage you to say them outloud often to yourself, to your friends and family, and to your team: \u201cThis sucks.\u201d\u00a0Hold the space for grief. Let it knock at your door, and come in for a cup of coffee. Give it the attention it deserves. Treat it like the guest it is. This too shall pass, but first, it\u2019s going to continue to really, really suck.\u00a0\u00a0  Purpose powers the future of business.Learn more HERE."},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"2020","item":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/2020\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"04","item":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/2020\/\/04\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"16","item":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/2020\/\/04\/\/16\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":4,"name":"Yes, this too shall pass, but first, it really, really sucks","item":"https:\/\/www.the-future-of-commerce.com\/2020\/04\/16\/this-too-shall-pass\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]