It’s the language we’ve become fluent in without even realizing.
And for freelance writer Delia Paunescu, it’s a topic of great interest and amusement, as she explained in a tweet that went viral last week:
“I’ve recently become obsessed with all the insane corporate ways we say normal things to each other,” she writes. “‘I’m a little confused’ is by far my favorite – it’s absolute rage masked as a professional pleasantry.”
Within 24 hours, the post had gotten over 82 thousand likes and over 12 thousand retweets (and those numbers are even higher now).
She ended by asking her followers to share their own favorite (or most egregious) examples, and the people delivered. Read through some of the most relatable responses and laugh – or feel the shame – or both.
Corporate speak, decoded:
1. When you need the info, but don’t feel like “getting into it”
2. When you already answered their question, which they would know if they had bothered to look.
3. When you didn’t think you needed a paper trail.
4. When you offer to “help out” on a project, and the PM forgets it’s not your full-time job.
5. When you wish people would display a little more initiative (“Let me Google that for you…”)
"Hope that helps!" is schrodinger's passive aggressive for "here's the info but I'm not going to draw you a goddamn map."
— Jesse (@jaawerth) January 29, 2020
6. When they forget that “urgent” and “important” are not the same.
"While I understand your urgency…"
"Procrastination on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
— Bärí A. Williams (@BariAWilliams) January 29, 2020
7. You KNOW you’re not getting out of this meeting in under 2 hours.
I have nightmares about hearing "Team, let's make sure we're all aligned."
— Samantha Rosen (@samantharosen_) January 29, 2020
8. When your email sign-off can serve as a mood ring.
We all know signing a letter or email with "Regards" is really giving someone the bird
— Jen DinNJ (@JenDinnj) January 30, 2020
9. This disclaimer lets you know that whatever was just said is about to get torn apart.
10. Never underestimate the power of punctuation.
11. When you’re looking for divine intervention.
“Come to Jesus” meetings….this project is so messed up, we literally need Jesus to fix it.
— Lisa M. James (@TheBookOfLisa) January 29, 2020